Sydney Twichell LLC

2025 was quite a year. Don’t get me wrong, it had its highs. I started Clever Girl in January 2025, my husband and I spent our first year married, I got to see one friend get married, and I got to see another get engaged. Despite the highs of my year, I had quite a few lows that I haven’t shared. In December, those lows culminated into a burn out of epic proportions. 

In May, the day before my 26th birthday, I was diagnosed with Hidradenitis Suppurativa. According to google: Hidradenitis Suppurativa (HS), is a chronic, painful skin condition causing recurrent abscess-like lumps, blackheads, and tunnels under the skin, often in skin-fold areas like armpits, groin, and under breasts, due to blocked hair follicles and an overactive immune response, not poor hygiene. This has led to actual holes and open wounds on my body. I sat in my car, the day before my birthday, and cried in the dermatologist parking lot. I had been charged a hefty co-pay for seeing a specialist, and no cure or treatment to show for it. 

In between CEO days and networking events, I was going to wound care appointments being poked and prodded. I was dealing with inflammation making the wounds ache, and the shame and embarrassment of not knowing whether others can tell I have open wounds or not. 

This absolutely tanked my self esteem. I was already dealing with chronic pain, as I was diagnosed with Endometriosis a few years ago. This condition was a whole new beast though. I was put on a variety of medications, and was stressed beyond belief. In fact, the stress and medications changed the color of my hair. I didn’t even know that could happen, but after research, I found the medications I was put on combined with stress unlocked the red head gene that was quietly with me the entire time. My hair went from golden blonde to bright copper within months. It was a physical representation of changes to my life and body against my will.

My body changed drastically, my appearance shifted enough that I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror, and the general struggle of being a brand new entrepreneur led to my body crashing out in December. 

One night, I needed to take my husband to the ER. He is a type 1 diabetic, and his blood sugar bottomed out. This can happen randomly without warning even when you’re doing all of the right things. While in the ER, worried as the severity of their tests continued to escalate, I felt my body completely failing me. I couldn’t stand without getting lightheaded. I couldn’t sit without wanting to vomit. I couldn’t think straight and was stuck in fight or flight. By the time we got home at 6am, I fell asleep and didn’t wake up again until midnight. When I did, I had the worst headache, sour throat, and body aches. I was sick for the first time in over a year. I ate all of the right things, took my vitamins and supplements, and managed to evade illness until my body had no defense left. 

This was burnout, and it was the worst I had experienced in years. My body is like a clock, and I know exactly how long it takes for a cold to run its course through my body. So when a week later, I started to feel better just in time for Christmas, I took that as a sign that I was back to normal. I tested negative for flu and covid, and saw my family. However, by the time we got home I was feeling sick all over again. This cycle would repeat itself two more times. It was not until yesterday, January 6th, that I started to feel normal again and it stick. 

So why am I writing about this? Well first, I wanted to finally share about my HS. I have grown weary of being ashamed of a condition I have no control over. So few people talk about the condition because it is frankly embarrassing and comes with a lot of shame from those unwilling to learn about the condition. I also want to discuss burn out, and how easy it can happen to female founders when faced with chronic illness or a crippling need to work in order to feel valued. 

From a young age, I picked up on the pattern that I would get the praise and affection I craved when I would work hard and exceed expectations. This led to a young Sydney constantly working, and feeling shame when she felt sick or was in pain. I very vividly remember being a teenager and being sick with a cold or doubled over with cramps on the couch, and feeling shame when I wasn’t doing my chores. Pushing through my pain and discomfort to work in order to feel like a valued member of the family. 

When my mom had cancer I was 15, and I threw myself into caring for my siblings and volunteering at church. When I was working or being helpful, I could distract myself from the distress of seeing my mom fight cancer. I could feel like I was bringing value by giving up my time and freedom as a teenager to step in and help keep the family running. 

This habit led to being a workaholic, which in my early 20s was how I thrived. Our society is heavily reliant on hustle culture. In hustle culture, the less you care for yourself, the better you are. Think about it, “Yeah I only slept like 4 hours last night”, “Girl, I totally forgot to eat allll day today and now I’m starving”, “yeah I wasn’t feeling great but I showed up anyway”. I have said all of these things, in competition with my peers to see who was suffering the most in order to hustle their way to the top. 

This mindset has led to a burned out, chronically ill, and depressed 26 year old Sydney. When starting your own business, getting your first clients can be exciting and stressful all at the same time. In the seasons where I didn’t have clients, I would sit in my house in the dark at 4am with insomnia, wondering why my husband was still with me if I was so useless. I saw my ability to work and make money as my source of worth and value because that is what I had been taught. It took a lot of self reflection, talks with people in my circle that value me for who I am, and extensive prayer and meditation to stop placing my value in whether I had a client or not. 

Additionally, I found myself spiraling about being lazy when I was having a flare up, was too exhausted to get out of bed, or unable to focus long enough to work for more than a few hours. This spiral only increased when we lost the one vehicle I was able to drive. Suddenly, I wasn’t even able to go to networking events as often as I had been because I had to rely solely on my husband and his work schedule to go ANYWHERE. I would sit in my house for weeks at a time, trying and failing to stay positive about my situation. 

The car being totalled, and my body being unable to fight whatever illness I caught, was a wake up call. It was as if God was putting me on pause. The reality is, I would not be able to continue operating my business while in the mindset I was in. My brand and my mission is so closely tied to who I am, that hating myself would come through my social media and my brand. I would be without a client and begin gaslighting myself into thinking that I am incapable of actually carrying out the services I am offering. It led to me hiding on social media. Avoiding making reels despite knowing it’s necessary for my content schedule, deciding not to post selfies on my stories because I have no makeup on, all of these decisions led to me being trapped behind the invisibility barrier. Behind that barrier I discovered just how often female founders fall into the same trap I did. 

So much of womanhood is based on what you can do, and your value is found in what you bring to the table. When you operate your business with that mindset, you lose sight of your business’ mission. You begin to not recognize your brand, and eventually you can feel like you’re just lying about your ability and expertise. 

So, what am I going to do about it this year? Well first, I won’t be tying my value in my work. Easier said than done, but I have found that when I have the urge to work through pain or exhaustion because I feel worthless, I imagine teenage me doing the same thing, and I give her a hug. Not because she was homeschooling her siblings or cooking dinner for her family, but because she deserves to be loved exactly as she is for who she is. Not what she can do for others. 

Second, I am going to stop being ashamed of medical issues I cannot control. Weightloss isn’t going to be easy because of the conditions I have, hygiene is always going to be a stress point because of my HS, and my Endometriosis will always mean I may find myself in pain and unable to focus at a networking event. And that is okay, because at the end of the day my body is doing the best job she can to keep me on this earth and living life. 

And third, I am going to stop letting other’s success define mine. We all have different goals and standards. Comparing myself to peers who don’t have chronic pain conditions or vehicle struggles only means placing myself at a disadvantage. Instead, my only competition should be myself. How can I continue to improve? How can I make Q2 of 2026 stronger and better than Q1?

I’m excited for 2026, and look forward to seeing my legacy begin to grow as I let go of my past, and keep moving forward.